30/30 What‘s the Core Issue? How to Actually Change

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Just “stopping it” often doesn’t work, and it has negative side effects. If “just stop it” worked for every problem, then you wouldn’t be taking this course and no one would ever come to therapy.

If we could just willpower our way to change then none of us would feel stuck or need help to grow. Almost everyone who comes to me for therapy has already tried “just stop it” and it’s not working. Nothing they are trying is working.

One way of looking at that is, “They just haven’t tried the “right” behavior yet. Try a different diet, try a different way of forcing your kids to do stuff. But what if the “solution” is the problem? What if focusing on behavior change is, at best, a waste of energy and, at worst, it’s making things worse?

This lesson is #30 from the How to Process your Emotions course. 

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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.

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